Jew in the suburbs


G-d has placed you
August 20, 2009, 6:00 pm
Filed under: author, Hashem, I am a Woman, Jewish, Judaism, Tehillim | Tags: , ,

G-d has placed in my life for a reason. G-d has placed you in my heart to see it is all right to be me, all of me, no apologies, no apologies. G-d has placed in my life to see the best parts of me. G-d has placed you in my heart to see that it’s ok and good to be me.

 

 G-d has placed you in my life, you see to say that it’s all good. You helped me to see some things, I always knew intellectually. Now I know them in my heart, I know them in my soul, I feel them in my soul.

 

G-d has placed in my life, in my heart to love you and see that I can do that so nicely.

 G-d has placed you in my life, HASHEM has placed you in my heart to hold on to.

 

HASHEM has placed you in my life, HASHEM has placed you in my heart, HASHEM has placed you on my mind. HASHEM has placed you, HASHEM has placed you, HASHEM has placed you.



A Gift Ring

 

On my 18th birthday my mother and grandmother wanted to give me a gift which I could hold onto for years to come.  They asked me what I wanted and suggested jewelry. I agreed, it may surprise you that I didn’t choose anything with peals since peal is my birth stone. I have always loved Sapphires, I find them to be just as beautiful as peal and I told my mother if she had her heart set on buying me jewelry I wanted to pick a sapphire ring. I have very small hands and fingers so after the ring was chosen I had to leave it at the store to get sized.  On my birthday I went to pick up the ring. I was so excited about it. Now the ring has more sentimental value to me than I expected.

 

You see I was standing at the jewelry counter waiting for the ring when I felt eyes on me. I turned slightly and found myself looking at a man in a wheelchair. “Getting yourself something today?” He asked me, I answered that it was my 18th birthday today and my mother and grandmother wanted to get me something special.

 

He continued to look at me without saying anything for a while and then suddenly he said. “I know sometimes you feel like no one will ever love you and that you will be alone. You are a beautiful girl; always remember that you will find someone.”

I was speechless for a few moments as he went on. I wondered why he came up to me and how he knew that sometimes these thoughts ran through my head.  He began to wheel away from me. He said again you are a beautiful girl, it will happen for you. As he said this he looked at the woman who was his wife, smiled and moved towards her. She waited for him and smiled at me. Moments later she was walking beside him.

 

I tried on my birthday ring, it fits perfectly. It is a ring for only special occasions, but every once in a while when there is no special occasion I take it out, look at it, and place it on my finger. Every time I look at it I remember what the man said, I smile, and I think about what it will be like when with G-d’s help I am married to and living with my soul mate. I know in my heart because of my emonia that the man is right, that I have a soul mate that I will be with and this person will love me as deeply and profoundly as I will love him.



I Am Woman
January 15, 2009, 4:32 am
Filed under: disabillity, Frum, Hashem, I am a Woman, Jewish, Jewish, Judaism, Orthodox, women | Tags: , , , ,

 

 

About six months ago I decided to change hairdressers, I got my hair cut by a different hairdresser and loved it when I got used to it. However, I didn’t like the way I was treated as a person, and tried to tell myself that the woman who cut my hair didn’t mean it. Let me explain what happened. I went in with another person and she spoke to that person about me instead of directly to me. My believe is, she saw I didn’t walk perfectly and thought I lacked intelligence. I was nice to her but didn’t like the way she made me feel. I find that I have to get my hair cut a lot because it grows so unbelievably fast. The next time I went back was about a month later. Being an Orthodox Jewish woman, I always wear long skirts or dresses. When I walked in to the hairdresser’s place of business I noticed the way she looked at me. I began to talk to her and as the conversion progressed the look didn’t fade. It was a look of bewilderment.  I had a gut feeling and I went with it. I started to talk with the person I came with, the same person I came with the first time I went to this hairdresser. It was small talk. I revealed nothing too personal about myself and nothing personal about others. I used the words in the community and in my community. Finally, my fairly new hairdresser said “What do you mean when you say your community?” I told her “I’m an Orthodox Jewish woman, that’s why I always wear long skirts and long sleeves. She responded very innocently “Oh I thought you were a cripple.” My gut feeling had been confirmed. The person who came with me was in shock, her eyes went wide and she looked as though she was holding her tongue waiting for my reply after hearing the word cripple, a word which I hate, a word which as far as I am concerned should be struck from the English language or should be considered a curse word. My response came calmly. “No I’m not a cripple. I just dress modestly. It makes me feel more comfortable.” She told me she thought it was became my legs looked deformed and I did not want people to see them. I told her honestly my legs don’t look deformed.

 

I must explain that this woman, who was not close to my grandmother’s age meant me no harm. I could see that she thought there was nothing wrong with her attitude or the word she used. Some people have told me she would have made them angry and hurt by her thinking and her use of such a terrible and untrue word. Getting angry would have been easy, what she said was hurtful, but I decided not to be hurt, to take it from where it came. The statements came from a sweet woman who didn’t realize she was saying or doing anything hurtful. I made a choice to educate instead of getting angry or allowing anger to cloud me.

 

I am not a cripple and I don’t believe cripples exist, that being the case as I said before, I believe with my whole heart that the word should be erased. It is a word that carries with in pain and untruth. I am not a cripple, I don’t walk perfectly but I am not a cripple.

 

I am a caring, understanding, compassionate, strong woman. I am a woman who is educated. I am a woman who has great faith in G-d. I am a woman who Thank-G-d has people who love and care about me. I am a woman with talents and a woman with so much love to give. I am a woman and I refuse to be defined nor should anyone else allow themselves to be defined as a cripple. I am a woman.