Jew in the suburbs


Pesach Journal
March 16, 2009, 5:21 pm
Filed under: author, Frum, Hashem, Jewish, Jewish, Judaism, Passover, Torah, women, write, Yom Tov | Tags: , , ,

 

 

 

    Passover Journal  by Jew in the Suburbs

 

 

 

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Copyright March 2007

 

No part of this story can be used without the expressed written permission of the author.

 

Based on Exodus

 

 

Entry one

 

The words in this diary are my heart felt prayer. My name is Leora. I have brown hair and eyes. I am a wife and the mother of 3 small daughters. All three of them were born underneath an apple tree in the middle of a field.  Every day my family and I endure back breaking labor. We work in the unrelenting heat of the fields. We are forced to carry and construct many bricks and, we are forbidden to stop until told. We are Hebrews, seen as nothings in the eyes of the Egyptians. Every night we go to bed hungry. My husband and I do the best we can. We give our children most of our food and drink. We tell them to sleep and dream happy dreams. I ask myself if they know what a happy dream is. Every night before falling into a restless exhausted sleep (wherever I happen to find space) I tell my husband and children that I love them and that our family will soon be far away from this oppressive land. I whisper a prayer to the G-d of our fathers, the G-d I have head stories about. You must exist, G-d of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob I can not stop believing that. Please lead us out of here. I will be so grateful.

 

Entry 2

 

My friend Miriam told me a story. Her mother Yocheved was a mid-wife, she was told by Pharaoh to kill every Hebrew baby boy she saw born. Of course, she did not follow orders. When Yocheved had her second son she was able to keep him secret for 3 months and then she put him in the hands of you, G-d of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. She placed him in the Nile and Miriam watched as her little brother was rescued from the water by Pharaoh’s daughter. Moses, Miriam’s brother was raised in comfort just as any royal Egyptian would be. He ran from here years ago. Rumors flew that it was because he killed an Egyptian when he saw him mercilessly beat a Hebrew man. In truth this was a difficult story to believe. Why would he risk his life of comfort, why would he risk his life? I thought to myself. Moses is back and rumors are once again flying that he is speaking to Pharaoh! Please let this event help us! 

 

Entry 3

 

The tears in my eyes are too numerous to count as I watch my husband sleep. He was beaten today until he bled. Moses spoke to Pharaoh. He took his brother Aaron with him. I head that he requested that Pharaoh let us; his people go with him into the wilderness to celebrate a festival for our G-d. In response Pharaoh is now forcing us to search and gather our own straw for the bricks we make. My husband was unable to construct as many bricks today as he constructed yesterday and now because of it he is in physical agony. What purpose could this serve? Many are angry at Moses why has he made matters worse than we could ever imagine?

 

Entry 4

 

 Thank-you G-d of our fathers my husband’s wounds are healing. The work load has not decreased for us. Will it ever? Moses and Aaron went to Pharaoh again and told him he should let us go so that we can worship YOU. I had so much hope that he would listen.  Am I wrong to hope? We are still here in this land? Aaron’s rod turned into a snake but then Pharaoh’s saucers were able to duplicate the action with spells. On the other hand I also head that Aaron’s rod was able to swallow the other rods. Maybe it is a sign that You have heard our many cries.

 

Just moments ago I was able to fetch water for my family, but the Nile and all Egyptian water sources have turned to blood!

 

Entry 5

 

When I woke up this morning every muscle in my body ached. I hear that frogs are   covering the land of the Egyptians. That is disgusting! I am grateful that in my home I am safe from them. They are not affecting my family or my people as a whole.   However, we are still slaves!

 

Entry 6

 

Rumor has it Pharaoh said he would let us go and the frogs have left after I hear Moses pleaded with You, but I awoke this morning still a slave and worked non-stop until this moment. The word of Pharaoh means nothing!

 

Entry 7

 

It’s a miracle! It must be a miracle from You G-d of our fathers. Today Moses and Aaron went back to the Pharaoh. Aaron placed his rod on the dust of the earth and it turned to lice! They are everywhere that the Egyptians are but these detestable lice are nowhere to be found among our people.  Furthermore, those men who do their little magic tricks for Pharaoh were not able to create lice! This has renewed my hope which has been so low lately. I must put my children to bed now. I think I will sing them to sleep tonight. I have not had the energy to sing in a long time. Thank-YOU G-d of our fathers I pray this oppression will be at its end by tomorrow.  

 

Entry 8

 

We are still slaves I was hoping this could be over. However, I refuse to give up hope. Once again G-d of our fathers you have set us apart from Egypt. Pharaoh has not listened. He will not let us go as of yet. I am not surprised, but all Egyptian livestock has been struck down and ours have not been touched, not a single one that belongs to our people!

 

 

Entry 9

 

Doesn’t Pharaoh know by now that refusing to let us go only causes him trouble? This morning Aaron and Moses gathered soot in their hands. I hear Pharaoh saw them do it. Moses threw the soot of the kiln toward the sky and now all the Egyptians and their animals have boils.

 

 

Entry 10

 

 When will my children, when will my whole family know what it is like to be free? When will Pharaoh decide he has had enough? Today the Egyptians endured Great Thunder and, hail and with the hail fire. Who ever heard of hail in Egypt and for that matter who ever heard of fire and hail together? I wish I had more answers than questions. I have prayed for many years and nothing happened. I have been laughed at for it at times by my own people. Now events seem to be happening constantly. My people and I live in Goshen and the hail which destroyed everything Egyptian outside in its path whether it was a beast or man did not touch us!   

 

Entry 11

 

 I heard that Moses and Aaron warned Pharaoh that You G-d of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob would send locusts. In response to the warning he told Moses and Aaron he would let only men go. I can’t believe his nerve he expects that we women will stay here with our children! We are a family! If my husband ever left here I would be by his side with our children. If one of us goes to worship YOU we all go! The locusts came, covered the land of Egypt and destroyed trees and anything else the hail might have left. Again, the event did not affect us. No locusts were seen in Goshen and nothing was harmed here.

 

Entry 12

 

Thank-YOU G-d of our fathers, there is an abundance of light in my dwelling and in every dwelling in Goshen. All of Egypt is in darkness; even in their homes the Egyptians can not see anything! Pharaoh has to let us go now. 

 

Entry 13

 

The darkness lasted 3 days and Pharaoh still refuses to let us go. My children have been asking if all these events mean we will soon be leaving. My husband told me he heard that after 3 days in darkness Pharaoh called Moses and Aaron to him and said that the men of our people can take their wives and children with them, but he demands our people leave our flocks and herds with him. What will happen now? 

 

 

Entry 14

On the 10th of this month Moses called us all together. He told us to get a lamb without blemish which we did. Those people in the community who had too small of a household for a lamb shared with their neighbors. After slaughtering the lambs at twilight our community placed the blood on our doorposts so that YOU would Passover us. We ate the lamb in a hurry with unleavened bread and bitter herbs. We dressed as you told us. That night was the most frightening I had ever spent as you passed over our people and smite every Egyptian first born son. We have now left the oppressive land. Pharaoh has had enough. We will celebrate the Passover for all time. We had to depart in such a hurry our bread did not have time to rise! I will admit as I walk with my husband, children, and other family no longer a slave to the Egyptians I am terrified. I wonder what will happen next. G-d of out fathers that said I trust in You.    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I lay Awake
February 23, 2009, 3:37 am
Filed under: Frum, Hashem, Jewish, Torah, write | Tags: , ,
This peom was written  last year for the eight yeshiva students murdered on Rosh Chodesh Adar.
   
I  lay awake asking why, why HASHEM and I cry. Tears flow down my startled face, a disgrace.
 
 Celebration, and pain
 
 Men who love HASHEM have been slain and there are no words to describe how much pain there is inside,
 
 Mothers and Fathers have lost their young, have lost their sons Sons who drank in the holiness of your words like water to survive in your Holy City.
 
They did not forget you Yerushalayim. Simcha and Holy Torah were on their minds and protected in their hearts.
 
What beautiful lives, HASHEM hear Yerushalayim’s sigh,
 
 count each tear of your people as they cry. I find it difficult to speak, so I turn to you. I turn to you HASHEM,
I turn to Yerushalayim, and I turn to my pen once again.


A Love Story:My Lesson Learned

 

 

A while back, In the Pink wrote that she was conducting some research on True Love. I was temped to e-mail her a story on the topic, but held on to it, thinking it would be good for me to write about. The story I am about to tell you is a true love story, and while it is not my love story it taught be something incredibly valuable.

 

Last Pesach I was going through a very difficult time in my life. I thought I would be spending Yom Tov out of town, but I ended up spending it in my community which turned out to be a blessing. I was invited to lunch with friends of mine after Shul on the last day of Yom Tov. When I walked into the house I heard laughter from obliviously happy people and almost immediately met a married couple visiting from a much larger Jewish community in another state.

 

I have a small disability which people can see, I don’t walk perfectly, but I do walk, Thank G-d. My parents have always told me that my soul mate could have a disability, but this is not necessarily the case. I was almost entirely convinced last year that this was not true, that I had to marry someone with a disability. It hit me like a bolt of lighting when I looked at this couple that I was wrong. They were both accomplished, the wife was a school teacher with no disability, and the husband was a lawyer who just happened to be deaf. My heart soared when during the meal the wife told everyone how they met.

 

 She said she had gone on a Shabbos walk with a friend and they decided to stop at a house to visit a family. That family had a certain young man for a Shabbos guest, she gave him a Shabbos greeting, there were other people there and she joined in the small talk of the group. When she left the house with her friend that certain gentleman was on her mind. She told herself if she was still thinking about him at that time the following week she would do something about it. A week later he hadn’t left her thoughts. She called the family he had been visiting to do some detective work. All she heard was how nice and how helpful he was. Some time went by and with more investigating she was able to get an email address.  She emailed him, telling him where she had met him and pouring out her heart, telling him her interests, likes, dislikes, and so on. Her thinking was she had nothing to loose, if he was not interested in her, she would most likely not see him again and if he was interested she could have found the one. The idea that she might not ever see him again was what pushed her to write the e-mail. She had never done anything like that in her life. She was so excited when she saw a reply sitting in her e-mail box. She clicked on it and read. “Which one are you?” There had been other girls in the group. She remembered she had told him her name in the house that Shabbos afternoon. In reply she typed her name and pressed send. He answered her, shortly after that a first date was set up and than a second, shortly after that they were engaged and married.

 

Looking at this couple I remembered that my small disability could be a non-issue to a non-disabled soul mate. I only wish I could tell this amazing couple what an affect their true love and devotion to each other had on me. It was part of G-d’s plan that they met and married and I truly believe now it was part of HIS plan that I met them at the time I did, so that I could relearn something I never should have forgotten. Having that faith and knowledge restored is such a blessing and if I left town for Yom Tov I would never have met them at that time. They went back to their community the very next day.

 

May all of us find and hold on to love!



I Sing to YOU
December 29, 2008, 4:33 am
Filed under: author, Hashem, Judaism, song, write | Tags: ,

 

 

My Dear blog readers,

 

I have  vocal training and I have written songs. Here is one I wrote a while ago. Sorry, you can’t hear it, but all songs with lyrics are poems.

 

HASHEM, HASHEM, HASHEM

I sing to you HASHEM

In the Morning light

In the Night.

 

Fill me with light

Hashem, fill me with light, Hashem.



Rosh Hashanah: Into the Sea

 

 

I wrote this poem inspired by Tashlikh which takes place by a body of water on Rosh Hashanah..

 

Into the Sea

 

I stand before You Hashem, my neshama exposed before YOU.

Nothing is hidden from YOU, HASHEM, You see everything.

YOU know all there is to know, You see our souls.

See me, as I cast my sins into the sea, purify me, erase every sin as through it had never been.

 

I beg You; inscribe me in the Book of Life, for I choose life

To Serve YOU, to be a better human being, to be a better Jew.

You are the Only ONE to ask, The only One fit for this task.

YOU are King of everything; everything there ever was is or will be.

Creator of human beings, the World and its Surroundings

You are King and there is No OTHER

 

There will Never be another.

HASHEM, Father of Compassion

I ask, I beg, I plead, Purify my soul, and inscribe me in the Book of Life, to serve YOU with love as a better Human being, and as a better Jew.

 



911 September 11 2001 New York
September 11, 2008, 1:44 am
Filed under: author, write | Tags: ,

   

I wrote this poem a few days after 9/11/2001

 

May the memory of all those killed be a blessing.

 

 

 

 

 

911

 

I am overcome with emotions.  I wish I could hide.  But, all I can do is run.  Run like the wind.  Let the wind carry me away as it carries a dove’s light feather.

 

But, where do I run to, where do I hide to escape the fear and sadness inside?  I am in the fiery pit, how this happened I can not tell.  Fire balls seem to follow me where ever I go, I can not escape the heat.

 

It was a beautiful day in one small moment everything has changed.  The sky that was once the richest purest blue is now red orange flames that can not be contained.  Nothing will ever be the same.

 

I am standing in the place I call home yet I feel bitterly cold and alone.

 My legs feel like stone.

 

People fill the streets we can all hear our heartbeats beating like heavy drums.  We hear the ground grumble as another strong tower falls to the ground like a domino.  It makes a horrible sound like no other I have heard. As if the earth opened up and swallowed us whole.

 

I fall to the ground.  It’s as if the world has stopped dead.  Everything but the pounding drum of my own heart.  The silence is  crurl and not even the sharpest of knives can cut through.

 

I must get up; I must survive the terror I feel inside. I feel weak, I can not speak.  My voice at this moment feels as cold as ice on the coldest of days.

 

Someone comes by and takes me by the hand, he looks dazed and confused he doesn’t understand.  I know how he feels because I feel the same way.  The sky is covered with a blanket of thick black and gray.

 

I hear another plane; do I dare look up at the sky?  Are we all going to die?  I am surrounded by cries that say please get us through this, I don’t want to die today, not this way.

 

Ash and papers seem to fly like a plane in the sky.  I wonder can the whole world hear my cries, hear the piecing screams, hear the battle cry of this great New York City.

 

They are cries that say where is my Mother?

Where is my father?

My sister, my brother, my husband my wife?

Who will take care of my children, who will tuck them in tonight?  Who will tell them the monsters can’t get them in the dead of night, and everything will be alright?

 

My legs are so numb they feel like hard stone, but I must go on, I must get through this  darkness and flames.  Death seems to engulf me like a thick black cloud of endless smoke.  I feel like I am going to chock.  I can taste and smell the bitterness of it as I pray.  I must not fall into the subway.

 

I can hear death; I can see it all too clear.

My best friend I know is in the world Trade Center is she Ok I pray.  On this day we get a glimpse true agony, darkness, fear, and despair.

 

I can not get through I can not see.  Who could commit such a deed?  Who hates like a disease, a pelage that spreads across the land destroying everything in sight. Hate is such a pointless, dark occupation.  Why don’t some people know that to be true?  Don’t they learn anything?

 

Will our lugs ever breathe the fresh air of life again?  My feet hurt.  I am overcome with icy blue pain and shock it surges through my body like the blue green lightning of a storm.  I can barely walk.  I can no longer speak for the words I can not find.  Today will forever be frozen in my mind.

 

This is not my home, it can not be.  This is a battle field where brave will die trying to save lives.  I don’t even know which way to go, which way to turn.  I am lost, lost in my own home.  My home has turned in to a war zone.  The city I love so much is coved with ash and dust.

 

Will this day ever end or will it be endless go on forever?  What will we do after today; will we ever see the light of day?  Will this fear ever go away?  I see day break it’s getting closer.

 

I made it through today, the sky looks so empty I don’t know what to say.  The city with the most beautiful skyline of lights is now darker than the darkest night.

 

Will we ever see the warm golden sun drinking up our tears, calming our fears, soaking up our pain, our sorrow?  New York I hear your cries, your tears are mine.  

 

 

  

 

 



Intro
August 28, 2008, 12:55 am
Filed under: author, Jewish, Jewish, Torah, write | Tags: , ,

 

 

Hello Blog Readers,

 

For at least two years I wondered why anyone would keep a blog.  To me they seem like diaries, and diaries in my opinion should for the most part remain private.

 

 Why you ask would I venture to write a blog?  In truth, and to my surprise, an idea for a blog came to me last summer, I decided that before I wrote anything, I should do some research to make sure that this idea was original.  What I found was a beautifully written blog called Jew in the City. 

 

“That’s my idea”, I thought “and it’s already being done.”  I subscribed to the blog and forgot about writing my own.  I didn’t see the point.  Lately however, friends have been telling me that I should council people and that I have so much wisdom to share that I should write a non fiction book about my life because so many people would relate to it on at least one level.  I have been told by many that I am one of the most determined people they have met.  I am a modest person, I don’t know if all of that is true.  I do know that I am determined; I know that I have had many obstacles in my life and that I have always tried to keep a positive attitude and outlook.  I know that I want to help others. 

 

The purpose of my blog is to change negative attitudes and to show that although life can be very difficult; people can overcome their challenges and be stronger people because of them.

 

I am an orthodox Jewish woman with a disability.  I am a person who has faith and I continue to face challenges on my journey.   I am not alone, all people have frustrations.  It is how you deal with those frustrations that is important.  I want to inspire people and to give them hope.  I need to make it clear that I am not a Rebbetzin.  I am just a young orthodox woman living in the suburbs, full of determination to overcome obstacles with ability, thank G-d, to help people I come across to have a positive attitude when they are feeling frustrated and down.  I have a lot to say and I realize now that there is room for two Orthodox women trying to create and maintain positive influences while disregarding stereotypes, there is room for both Jew in the City, and me Jew in the Suburbs.