Jew in the suburbs


G-d has placed you
August 20, 2009, 6:00 pm
Filed under: author, Hashem, I am a Woman, Jewish, Judaism, Tehillim | Tags: , ,

G-d has placed in my life for a reason. G-d has placed you in my heart to see it is all right to be me, all of me, no apologies, no apologies. G-d has placed in my life to see the best parts of me. G-d has placed you in my heart to see that it’s ok and good to be me.

 

 G-d has placed you in my life, you see to say that it’s all good. You helped me to see some things, I always knew intellectually. Now I know them in my heart, I know them in my soul, I feel them in my soul.

 

G-d has placed in my life, in my heart to love you and see that I can do that so nicely.

 G-d has placed you in my life, HASHEM has placed you in my heart to hold on to.

 

HASHEM has placed you in my life, HASHEM has placed you in my heart, HASHEM has placed you on my mind. HASHEM has placed you, HASHEM has placed you, HASHEM has placed you.



A Gift Ring

 

On my 18th birthday my mother and grandmother wanted to give me a gift which I could hold onto for years to come.  They asked me what I wanted and suggested jewelry. I agreed, it may surprise you that I didn’t choose anything with peals since peal is my birth stone. I have always loved Sapphires, I find them to be just as beautiful as peal and I told my mother if she had her heart set on buying me jewelry I wanted to pick a sapphire ring. I have very small hands and fingers so after the ring was chosen I had to leave it at the store to get sized.  On my birthday I went to pick up the ring. I was so excited about it. Now the ring has more sentimental value to me than I expected.

 

You see I was standing at the jewelry counter waiting for the ring when I felt eyes on me. I turned slightly and found myself looking at a man in a wheelchair. “Getting yourself something today?” He asked me, I answered that it was my 18th birthday today and my mother and grandmother wanted to get me something special.

 

He continued to look at me without saying anything for a while and then suddenly he said. “I know sometimes you feel like no one will ever love you and that you will be alone. You are a beautiful girl; always remember that you will find someone.”

I was speechless for a few moments as he went on. I wondered why he came up to me and how he knew that sometimes these thoughts ran through my head.  He began to wheel away from me. He said again you are a beautiful girl, it will happen for you. As he said this he looked at the woman who was his wife, smiled and moved towards her. She waited for him and smiled at me. Moments later she was walking beside him.

 

I tried on my birthday ring, it fits perfectly. It is a ring for only special occasions, but every once in a while when there is no special occasion I take it out, look at it, and place it on my finger. Every time I look at it I remember what the man said, I smile, and I think about what it will be like when with G-d’s help I am married to and living with my soul mate. I know in my heart because of my emonia that the man is right, that I have a soul mate that I will be with and this person will love me as deeply and profoundly as I will love him.



High Holy Days: self-improvement and HASHEM’s Love

 

 

Hello Blog Readers,

 

I was so disappointed to miss Selichot services after Shabbos this week.  Simply put Selichot are special prayers for forgiveness as the month of Elul begins to close.  The time period of these services usually begins the Sunday very early morning hours before Rosh Hashanah.  These prayers are about committing to do better and be better in the upcoming year.  I know I have been talking about self improvement all month.  So, what sets the time period for selichot apart from the rest of the month of Elul?  I believe the answer lies in urgency.  Yes, it’s true we should use all of the days in the month of Elul to prepare for the High Holy Days but I believe that Selichot is a warning, a signal, a reminder that Rosh Hashanah.  is quickly approaching and Yom Kippur is not far behind it.  These prayers serve as yet another opportunity for forgiveness and personal growth. 

 

I was sitting in Shul, Synagogue Saturday morning, listening to the rabbi speak when I realized that  after midnight Selichot services would  begin.  My breath caught and I thought to myself, I have a problem. Depending on how you look at it these services are either very late into the night or very early in the morning.  This particular service was scheduled for 1 AM.  Of course, another service was scheduled later in the morning for those who would be sleeping through this service.  I knew I could not be at Shul at 1AM in the morning and that I had conflicts later in the morning making it impossible for me to make it to the second service.  I really didn’t want to miss this; after all, I have been writing about self improvement and digging deep in my own Teshuvah, repentance process.  What was I to do?  I asked a rabbi who understood there was no way for me to make it to either Selichot service.  He told me that I didn’t have to be there, I told him, I know that but I really want to be there.  I wanted to know what a person like me who knew she could not be at a service could do to make up for it.  The idea that I didn’t have to attend these services and I would still be all right should have made me feel a lot better, but it didn’t. I felt terrible I knew that this rabbi was right but I still chose to look up the subject in a very handy and user friendly book entitled Halichos Bas Yisrael   A Woman’s Guide to Jewish Observance Volume II published by Feldheim. 

 

All week I felt as if I did something terrible by not attending these services, then yesterday I was writing something on a different subject matter, I got frustrated because the word count wasn’t exactly as it should have been.  For a brief moment, I thought to myself, I failed, I can do nothing right but then, thank G-d, the knowledge that Hashem loves me and all human beings, and all the creatures He created, hit me once again, like a lightning bolt, at exactly the right time.  Preparation for the High Holy Days, self improvement, and personal growth are of extreme importance.  However, yesterday when I was writing and it wasn’t going the way I wanted it to, I lost sight of the fact that if I make a mistake, or a project I am working on doesn’t come out exactly they way I want it to, It doesn’t mean that I am a failure.  Yes, I missed the service last week and even though I was told that I was free from the obligation, I felt it was a mistake but I am trying, I am working on my Teshuvah process and Hashem knows it.  Hashem wants us to come close to Him, we should never forget the reason He wants us to come close to Him is because He loves us.

He knows that we can do better and wants us to have faith that we can. He is aware we are imperfect and loves us despite our imperfections.

May the New Year bring you all blessing upon blessing!